Saturday, November 12, 2005

In times like these...

...I praise God for heavy metal. No, really.

There is no other genre of music that combines such musical punch with equally intriguing lyrics. Two songs that never fail to lift my spirits (and can even bring tears to my eyes) are "Heart of Steel" by Manowar and "Dawn Over a New World" by DragonForce. 'Normal' music doesn't have lyrics like this. Even if it did, 'normal' music doesn't have the sheer unadulterated glorious power to carry it off.
It has been said that Speed and Power metal both tend to be rather overblown and pretentiously silly. I mean, the argument goes, who on earth actually thinks they are mighty warriors fighting some vast eternal evil?

Well, in a word: Me. I do, and my famed 'hero' complex goes far deeper than just wanting to rescue girls. :) In my saner moments (rare, I admit), I can agree that the music does tend toward something strongly resembling overblown bombast. However, I like that. :P
As the Manowar song mentioned above says:

Build a fire a thousand miles away to light my long way home
I ride a comet
My trail is long to stay
Silence is a heavy stone...
I fight the world and take all they can give
There are times my heart hangs low
Born to walk against the wind
Born to hear my name
No matter where I stand I'm alone

It's tough to stand for what you believe in, especially when that belief is being challenged not only from the world outside, but from your own treacherous heart. But there's a certain invincibility to those who dream the impossible and pour their every effort into the accomplishment of that vision.
At HQ I was, from time to time, called 'dark'. I suppose I am. There's nothing particularly wrong with dark. The night is beautiful in its very own way. God made both light and dark, and so what is wrong if someone likes the latter over the former? But regardless, I've never been able to get the hang of optimism. The best I've managed to arrive at is a pragmatic realism, but I continually lack that childlike belief that the world is really a wonderful place and this current tough time is just a passing phase.
I guess much of that is because my life has been pretty tough. I don't mean to say that I've had it bad - because I haven't. In fact, the external circumstances of my life have been quite good. But the fight to maintain, to stay with the onwards and upwards journey, has never - in my memory - eased.
However, in the words of Manowar, there are those who are born to the fight. And I tell you... Many times I have really felt like it was my destiny to walk against the wind. Still, even though there have been times when I've had to deal with the oppression and scorn of others, for me the real battle has been against myself.
The hardship and struggles I've gone through in life have almost exclusively been internal, and I think that for that exact reason I love these songs. They remind me of who I should be, and if the goal was easy there would be no honor to gaining it.

But even aside from the songs, I also have friends who stand along side me - even though I'm sure I don't make it easy for them - and support me when I tire. Just for now - since I don't have time - I want to mention Nomes.
She has that knack for optimism that I continually lack. Combined with her indomitable spirit and driven personality (with an added bonus that she's nearly as crazy as I am), she never fails to be an encouragement. And she's one of those people who doesn't think I'm a freak and look the other way when I come around - which is always nice.

So, for those who still read this - I'm feeling better, but it's thanks to you.

Friday, October 28, 2005

The Sunshine Underground

Why do I always manage to make waves? Why do people have the opinion that actions done in full view are the same as actions done to deliberatly incite a reaction? When did telling the truth become bragging, simply because the things I am honest about many people find offensive?

*sigh* I suppose I should be used to intolerance by now, especially since pretty much everything in my life is designed to point it out in the lives of others... But then, when it can sneak undetected into my life and divide me from my friends, I suppose it can get anyone. ;P

And if you are here wondering how I did all that stuff at HQ... I'm just as amazed as you are. Honestly.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005


The title is taken from the VNV Nation song, which just so happens to be the song I'm listening to ATM. I think it's especially relevant to my current situation.

Now for the update: Today I finally got my car registered, so now I have proper transportation and I don't have to beg off my poor family. Although, since I still lack work, the money for the new insurance, as well as the registration and inspection (and the repairs I needed to make to the car) was all provided for by said family.
I have a job offer from an HVAC company in Weatherford, and while the work environment is excellent (and the work looks fairly simple) and among Christian, family-oriented men, the pay isn't that great - it's about half what John said I should ask. I really needed something bigger. I suppose that since I haven't got a job AT ALL right now that I should leap at this, but frankly I can make what they are offering doing this part-time stuff.
Granted, I'm not doing a lot of the part-time work, but most of that has been do to situations out of my control (the wedding, no transportation, etc), so now I should be able to launch into that with a will.
Also, my personal honor is getting in the way again... I feel like I promised people that I'd do said part-time work, and if I get a full-time job I will not be able to do it at all. The fact that I'm not doing the work now is irrelevant. *grin*

I do have a new cell phone (courtesy my dad and Cingular), but it needs to be upgraded to something that supports EDGE so that I have internet access. This upgrade takes money, of course... So... It's again an issue of the chicken-or-the-egg.
I think I want to get the Sony-Erickson s-710a, because it fills all my needs for a phone, blah blah. Plus it has a really neat memory card reader with it. :)
I plan on cancelling my Sprint service this week, which will be nice, since I can't really use it at all here.

I've got some more people to call and see if they know of work or someone else who might. This whole work issue is rather messy and complicated and just in general not a lot of fun. Oh well. It's time I got off my lazy rear and made something of my life.

For once, though, that doesn't sound like a very rewarding prospect. :/

I'm having a hard time deciding whether to stay here in Texas or head back up north... The pros and cons are huge either way. Oh well.

Let there be... Let there always be...

...neverending light.

In my ongoing effort to find a decent blogging home, I've begun this new blogspot blog. With a few test posts, we shall see whether this works out or not.